The Reason Behind My Change...

Hye there!



Today's post is going to be a little too deep for some as I will be sharing my thoughts on my previous relationship and how it has affected me.

Truthfully, I wanted to keep this off social media but the fact that many are having a misconception about me and are constantly asking me the same thing over and over again, so I decided to come forward about it.

Yes, I am single and no it is not impossible that I am single. 

In fact, I have been single for the past year. It still hurts because I could not believe what had happened.

Let me start from the beginning (well briefly of course)...

For two years I was in the (probably) best relationship by far with a man who gave me the space that I needed to grow while making sure I was not neglected in any way. I was able to display my affection both in a spoilt and mature manner.

He wouldn't even stop me from being the manja pot that I am when we were in the car or in front of his friends as I usually carry around a bantal busuk or a teddy bear with me whenever I can cause I love to hug things which are soft.

He also allowed me to be independent as he had always encouraged me to work with passion, especially with my hobbies. 

He wasn't shy to boast me off to his friends and neither was I. Hence why all of us, including my ex, are still friends.

Everything was going great til the point where reality kicked in and our differences (sensitive and very personal matters) came to light. We hit our first speed bump after a year and a half into the relationship. I called it off as it was straining even our friendship at that point, but we quickly got back with each other.

At this point, I just became oblivious towards both his and my slow change in character. He was being in denial of things would eventually not work out as he can't make that commitment. But it wasn't entirely his fault, as I couldn't give up my stand too.

Thus, led to our devastating breakup. Which came as a shocker to the rest of our circle of friends. 

4 months went by painfully for me, but that wasn't the worst pain that I had felt. It came "knocking" in my Facebook pm one day - the feeling of an arrow pierced its way through the flesh passing the bones and out of the body with the heart attached to the head of the spear. 

The truth came out - The reason why we broke up wasn't the 100% reason of why we broke up. 

A girl introduced herself politely and in a friendly manner for about a good 10 minutes which then her gentle demeanour became the rubbing salt on my wound. As she explains who she was, she cunningly emphasised that she was "his". By which I did ask, when did they get together.

Truthfully, that was one of the most regretful things that I had ever ask. I wish I hadn't asked her, because if I didn't I would not have this semi-hatred feeling in me.

Well, here on, you can already guess what had happened.

Probably the thing that still bugs me til today is the fact that I had never thought he would be someone who would do that to me, especially when he hated his ex til every single drop of blood of hers because she left him for another guy.

And it could also be that my ego has been crushed ever since. Why my ego? Cause I had dated playboys before and none ever left me for another or kept another as a backup and my ex wasn't someone like that. I guess everyone can change for better or for worse.

Honestly, I am more pissed at myself rather than him, cause if I had not been so caught up with work (like he was), then probably I could have given him the attention that he needed and he wouldn't have to find another source.

Don't judge me on this, as I feel it's unfair to blame it all on one person. I had my fair share of flaws which contributed to our breakup. 

Because all of this thing happen during the year that I had the most trust issues with friends and family, my trust has tremendously shrunk and it has not built back up again. 

I am clearly not ready to be in a relationship as there were countless times where I would end up hugging my bolster and crying myself to sleep because of the loneliness that creeps up every now and then.

Right now, my main focus is to become a credible blogger/writer while saving up money to travel around the world when I hit 27. Til I meet a guy who makes me feel secure and does not ridicule my efforts, I will not get into any relationship or to simply date around. I am just not that kind of woman.

For those who have labelled me as a person who plays hard to get or even as an arrogant person, I would like to apologise in advance, I do not mean to hurt your pride by turning your offer down, it's just that I know things won't work out.

Don't pull your trigger just yet, please. The reason why I am saying I know it won't work out is because I was given the freedom to grow many times by my parents and my exes, so if I feel like I am being caged up or tied down by any means, I would not think twice to turn down your offer.

I do realise that over the past year, I have been acting colder towards people in general, apart from family of course, that's mainly because I have trust issues. So forgive me, if I ever do speak harshly to you or if I am more blunt with my words.

I figured there's no point in being nice all the time while holding back things that should be voiced out. People grow when they learn.

I know there are many of you who share the same circle as my ex and I so, please do not belittle him as he doesn't deserve that. He is an amazing individual the kind of friend that you would be proud to have. Just like everyone, he made a mistake and so did I. 

This post was not written to shame anyone. It was just written for me to open up what I have kept inside for so long. I will always be his friend as long as he wants me to be his friend.

I hope this helps you to understand me a little more. I may seem like a person that it always bubbly and cheerful but that's not always the case as I am an adult too. I do have to face problems and responsibilities.

Hope this post will also give strength to those who are single and are also facing a hard time getting over the past.

Till the next post, see you!

Sincerely,
Absolute Yana
www.absoluteyana.com



28 comments:

  1. Gambateh, life must go on, this will just be another chapters in your life, don't worry too much :)

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  2. I have been single all my life. I still feel good until now. You still young. Just live happily dear! Stay strong beautiful....

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  3. Dear Yana,
    wow that was brave of you .Thanks for sharing your heart out. Well, take it easy for now. When the time comes I am sure you will know it.And do share with us your joy ok.Wishing you all the best.

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  4. Got to know you more from this post. The best is yet to come!

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  5. You deserve a better man Yana. Wish you all the best ya

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  6. Yana, you're still young. The road is long and you should cherish your life instead.

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  7. Everything happens for a reason, yana. Maybe that was why it didn't work out with your ex-boyfriend because there's still someone out there who will be best for you and will love you no matter what. Enjoy your single life and focus on yourself more. You still have a lot of time to find your one true love someday. :)

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  8. Stay strong ya dear, one day the true love will heal your heart! Just wait that day to come ;)

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  9. Stay strong ya! By the way, I like your latest blog layout. =)

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  10. Thanks for sharing your personal story. It's not unique to you alone. Stay positive, things will be better from now on.

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  11. Be strong dear. I had the same story as yours with my ex last time. I was so depressed like you but until one day I told myself I should move on as my life is still young and not worth to be like this because of him. That's how I comfort myself.

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  12. Everything comes with a reason. So I am sure that there is still someone for you out there who would always be there for you no matter what. It happened because he is not that someone for you, there someone else better and only the best for you.

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  13. Your Mr right will definitely come & you deserve the best. Glad that you found out earlier, everything happens for a reason. And I always believe for a good reason. Thanks for sharing your story :) cheers, SiennyLovesDrawing

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  14. I've been quite in the same situation and I've been single for 3 years. I love my single life. Sure, there are always guys around me, telling me they want me and all, but it's not the best reason for me to give up my lifestyle for now. When I first broke up, I was kinda like you, my defense mechanism made me a little cynical and blunt with words but eventually, it'll grow out of you and actually help you to mature. Be wise in whatever you choose to do.

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  15. When such breakup happened like this, which I was in kinda similar situation too, we tend to become defensive in relationship afterwards. It took me 4 years to let go my past and now I am enjoying my life - doing things I wanna do and achieving dreams I want to be.

    It takes time to heal and shall be a part of your memory and your past forever. But don't let it ties you down. Be strong and face the world and life chin up.

    Be strong, Yana.
    And hey, I am single too~ ;)

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  16. Hello Yana,

    Thank you for opening your heart on us and I am proud of you girl!

    Break-ups are hard - YES. But it gives a very good result most of the time. I've been to that period and I am happy to say now that "Thank God I experienced that period" because if not, maybe I'm not happy now, hahaha.

    You are tough and talented YANA. Always be yourself, and the best will come SOON!

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  17. This is so sad but life must go on. For sure God has something for you. Enjoy single life and surely you will meet your one true love. :)

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  18. Naww im sorry to hear about that dear yana. But this is your chance to grow, if you can face this challenege, you're ahead of understanding yourself and the world 'possibly' more than others. Plus, you deserve way way better than your ex

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  19. Take care and be positive. There are many challenges in life and I wish you all the best for 2017.

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  20. Yea it help,thank you dear . Nice message .having almost the same stand as you.:)...stay strong stay inspire ...show the world some women power :D

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  21. Stay strong my darling! Love that you stated out your goal and know exactly what you want in your life! Wish you all the best and continue inspire =D

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  22. Good to see you back on track Yana. 2017 will be a better year for you...the hard work you have done will paid off.

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  23. Very brave of you to open up you're heart to everyone. I applaud you for that! I hope the new year brings you lots of success and many beautiful memories.
    Take good care! Your friend, C

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  24. Woopie~ This kinda give me a clear view of what's happening in my relationship atm. Thanks!

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  25. My last serious breakup wasn't the good kind either. I’ve had a lot of women in my life, but I was never secure enough to think that I was ‘there’ enough. I would generally be non-committal, and relationship that lasted weeks was a norm. Most people think I’m a player, really I just didn’t want to bog anyone down, I wasn’t ‘ready’.

    About 5 years ago I met someone during my long work trip in Indonesia, I’ll save you the details because it’s textbook. She’s pretty, a solid 10, we fell in love, I found out that she was engaged, she broke off with him, and we were happy for a while.

    You see, this girl had a terrible childhood. Her parents didn’t have the balls to stick around. Having a secure, perpetual place she can call home is everything she wanted. She deserves it, and from what I heard, the guy she broke off with was super wealthy and a kind, decent human being. I had just realized I took that away from her.

    I couldn’t tell you more about what happens next because I could never find the words. And I meant that literally, I couldn’t breathe thinking about it. But it was nightmare. I became really insecure and emotionally abusive and so did she.

    One very fine day, she just left. I only ever heard of her once afterwards where she calls me to tell me she loves me and that was that. Many months later I realize that everyone we knew thought she was escaping from me of sort. The fact that I’ve asked around about her makes it even the more scary. I ended up having to burn a lot of bridges and lost a career over it.

    I wasn’t telling you for sympathy. Sometimes we wish we knew better but sometimes the world is a fucked-up place. What might differ is our interpretation of it.

    My whole experience, and the lost of almost everything over it had conferred me with some sort of strength. I now know how much I can take before I break. I know the price it takes to want something.

    It’s not that I no longer fear being hurt, but I do have the advantage of knowing how far I can bend. Without that knowledge, you can never feel safe about choosing any potential path you might take.

    I’m sorry for what you had to go through, here’s to hoping that it’s a blessing in disguise, and you’ll won’t let it haunt you. Being single isn’t bad as long as you can manage it. And flirting with people you just meet is incredibly fun if you know how.

    You have a very nice face. See? Easy.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Whiskey for sharing your personal experience with me. I am glad that you became stronger after that horrible ride. And on a more positive side, I am finally having the courage to get to know a new guy...^^

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    2. Oh yeah? I'm cool with challenging that new guy to a one on one battle to the death.

      In any case we matched on Tinder once but I don't think we even talked because I was probably starting to see someone quite seriously then. This was quite a few years ago, but I do specifically remember you because at one point someone showed me a video of you dancing.

      Now that I'm here, this blog is okay, I'll subscribe, but try not to sell me too much lady stuff. Let's touch base when and if you're interested.

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