Getting Out Of A Relationship With No Future

Meow~~~~



I don't mean to burst your bubble of happiness with my negative post...but hey, in this somewhat negative post, allow me to share some of my point of view on how a relationship should work. Of course, these are just my opinions and I am not saying that they are 100% accurate. But this is simply based on what I feel I need in a relationship.

So the day before Deepavali... I met up with Michelle (my bestfriend) for dinner. We were basically catching up and I decided to just tell her everything that I was feeling. And she actually just listened to me more than giving me suggestions since she 'already' knew that I would most likely do something that will either fix or break the relationship.

I don't plan to go on about the details...because frankly speaking he was one of the sweetest guys that I have been with. So if he is so sweet...what's the problem, right?

Well...let's just say I am a person that is quite realistic when it comes to relationships.

I detest people (anyone) who don't have a goal or has no motivation whatsoever to bring their lives up one level. And even if it means it's my partner who is having this seemingly unsolvable issue, I can't stand it either.

You can call me harsh or materialistic or whatever you want...but that is quite far from the truth.

Money has never been an issue for me...because it doesn't matter what the other person is earning...if our lifestyle needs a higher income, I can work harder to achieve that. It is not in my dictionary to assume or expect that a guy HAVE to bring in the money.

However, not having a goal in life for ones self is unacceptable. If you don't know where you want your life to be heading towards to, then where or how am I supposed to confidently put myself in your future; in which case there isn't a future now is there?

On top of not having a clue on what to do with his life...he was also not 'seeing' me as a future potential. Because once again there is no future plans...so being a potential is also out of the question.

This was something we discussed months back...

So long story short, the relationship was just not progressing and since he didn't defend the relationship and he just didn't want to waste my time, we decided to call it quits.

Quite frankly, on the night before Deepavali...I wasn't planning on asking for a breakup...it didn't cross my mind at that point yet...

However, I did ask him to take some time to figure out what he wants in his life and where does he see us in the future. After that, everything just went downhill and into the gutter.

My main point of sharing this private part of my life with you is because I know, just like me, there are many others who, one way or another, are going through the same struggles and are feeling stuck. 

Please don't ever feel like no one would understand you...usually people do understand you...just they have a different experience in life that made them suggest different ways to approach the issue.

Mami told me that I shouldn't be sharing anything personal (boyfriend pictures and etc) because it would project myself poorly. But I sincerely don't believe in just posting the fun and exciting times while completely shadowing the negative sides of a relationship.

There are a lot of people who needs to know that there's no relationship that is perfect and we all just tend to nitpick on everything that is wrong but project only the goodness of a relationship to make people believe that everything is like in wonderland.

Yes, I know for a fact that there are people who love to pry into people's downfalls...don't worry...they are not actually busybodies. In fact, they are probably having a much harder time in life, hence why they feel the need to trample over other people's grief to feel better about themselves.

Look here, I am not sharing these things to 'feed' these kind of people...I am sharing these things with you! You, who are in need of some sort of reliance and support. I'm just here to tell you that it is okay to feel whatever that is right and wrong about your relationship.

Just know what are you looking for in a relationship and get to know what does your partner seek in the relationship too. It's not all about "me...me...me" or  "you...you...you"...it is about "us".

To deduce this long post, let me just share what I think of an 'ideal' relationship, vaguely: Both parties should...

1. Have their own goals
2. Have their relationship goals
3. Know their true intentions of the relationship
4. Work out things...to find a balance and not to dictate
5. Be considerate to each other
6. Support each other
7. Have individual and couple hobbies
8. Be grateful in each other's presence
9. Give each other space when it's needed
10. Love each other unconditionally

Sounds like a lot of work, right? Well...no one said having a relationship is easy. It's not just your feelings that you have to take care of.

Like I said before...this is like a vague description of how I see of an 'ideal' relationship. If you think this is very hard to digest...take a moment and look at your parents for awhile. I am pretty sure that most parents and/or grandparents have somewhat conquered the list of trivial things that I mentioned.

If they can do it...so can we...

I guess that's about it...till the next post, see you!

Sincerely,
Absolute Yana
absoluteyana@gmail.com



CONVERSATION

17 comments:

  1. That's very true, it takes two to tango, just like how it take two to make a relationship work, if it's one sided, then forget it.
    Everyone has their own view on relationship, and I respect you for yours. :) you still have us!

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    Replies
    1. Hheheheh...can i like keep you in my pocket forever?

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  2. It's definitely not easy to go through a breakup, at the same time I'm glad that you are clear with what you want in your life and make the brave move to cut those unnecessary out of your life. You can do it girl! Stay strong.
    And I agree to your POV towards relationship.

    xx
    Puiyeesss

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  3. Hugs! Going thru a breakup ain't easy, to talk about it ain't easy; for that, I admire your courage to share your views and to stand up for what you think is right for yourself. You have my respect! :D

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  4. I totally agree with you. I too detest people who don't have a goal or motivation whatsoever to bring their lives up one level. The they expect others to help them out! Weird!

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  5. I guess some people think that a relationship is like a pair of shoes. You have to try on a few pairs before you find some that fit your shape and style. Then, inevitably, they get worn down if you walk on them too much. The good thing is that if you invest wisely, you can have them repaired and they can last a lifetime! Dan

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  6. I agree and it is so much better to get out when you can... not like me.. who is so trapped.. because there is so no right way about this... I wish I can get out of my relationship but it is too late, since he is sick and all, and I would just be heartless to do so

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  7. its good to realize these before tying the note. once married, then after kids, and if you realize no future.. habis. It's going to get real messy then.

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  8. I came across so many couples these days who are quickly into a relation and move out as well. It is really messing up.

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  9. it's was right that you called it quits. If he doesn't see you in his future, what is the point if being in a relationship right?

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  10. You are realistic and that is good because you have to protect your future and time. Don't waste it on someone who's just living the moment instead of investing in a future together.

    good move, don't be sad alright.. better late than never

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  11. There's always a Chinese saying.....don't let go the forest just because of one tree. The better is in the future and more good things to come. Cheers.

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  12. It's not easy to getting out of the relationship when you truly love that person. Heartbreak is the hardest feeling. It can lead in suicidal. But getting out of the relationship that you have no future is OK. Quit is what you called that. It doesn't mean that you are not strong in one relation. You just ignore those things that you know you do not have and you have no future.

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  13. I agree, having a goal is very important, not only in a relationship but also in a individual. Goals are what pushes you to work harder and that is what feeds you fire to keep going.

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  14. Well, if it is not right for you, it is better to get out of it now than later. Better for both parties.

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